O.K., I don’t ever do this, and I’m not fond of those that do, but my recent stint on jury duty makes this strike a chord.  My profoundest apologies.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
  ____________________________________________________
  
 ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
 __________________________________________________
   
 ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 WITNESS:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
  ______________________________________
   
 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
 WITNESS:  Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 WITNESS: I forget.
 ATTORNEY: You  forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    _____________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that  morning?
  WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
  ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
  WITNESS: My name is Susan!
  ______________________________________
   
  ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
  WITNESS: We both do.
  ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
  WITNESS: We do.
  ATTORNEY: You do?
  WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________
 
ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
  ____________________________________
 
  
 ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
 WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty.
    ________________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
  WITNESS: Are you serious?
    ______________________________________
   
 ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
 WITNESS:  Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS:  Uh….I was getting laid!

 _____________________________________
   
 ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?
 WITNESS:  Yes.
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 WITNESS:  None.
 ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?
 WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
   ______________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
  WITNESS: By death.
  ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
  WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
  ______________________________________
 
 ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
 WITNESS:  Guess.
   _____________________________________
   
ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

_____________________________________
  
 ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
 WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
 ___________________________________
  
  ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?
  WITNESS:  Oral.
    ______________________________________
  
  ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
  WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
  ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
  WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ____________________________________________
 
  ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
  WITNESS:  Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?
  ______________________________________
   
 And the best for last?
  
 ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a  pulse?
  WITNESS:  No.
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
  WITNESS:  No.
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
  WITNESS:  No.
  ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
  WITNESS:  No.
  ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
  WITNESS:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Tags: Attorney

Faithfulness-undaunted commitment to purpose and people.

1Ch 28:20  …the Lord God, even my God, will be with you; He will not fail you, nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord. 

1. Firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty.
2. True to the facts, to a standard, or to an original.
3. Steadfast in affection or allegiance.

Firm: faithfulness is the opposite of duplicity, that contradictory doubleness of thought, speech, or action that Paul says we will avoid when, …all of us are united in the faith and in the full knowledge of God’s Son, and we attain mature adulthood-the full standard of development in Christ.  Then we will no longer be little children, tossed like waves and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, or by clever strategies that would lead us astray. Eph 4:13-14 ISV   God is eternally firm in His laws and His promises, and He wants to teach us how to do it.  (Lots more on Ephesians in future lessons.)

 True: faithfulness is not situational.  God has set standards that do not vary with the day, year, or century.  Mark 12:29-31  And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, “Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:  And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength:” this is the first commandment.  And the second is like, namely this; “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no other commandment greater than these.

 Steadfast: Ruth 1:16, 17  And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you: for wherever you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge: your people shall be my people, and your God my God: where you die, will I die, and there will I be buried.  The LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part you and me.

 Notice that Paul is describing an atmosphere in which the Church can flourish and grow in stature and wisdom.  An atmosphere charged by kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness.  Even when we fall short, even when we miss the mark, God does not.  He simply rewrites the lesson plan, and re-teaches the lesson-as many times as is necessary for us to learn-because God is faithful.

•   The Church does not flourish when it neglects its God-given duties in favor of comfort or convenience.
•  The Church does not flourish when its members are easily swayed by “modern” thinking.
•  The Church does not flourish when it has no chosen path to follow.

 Keep the faith, baby!  The Rev’d and Hon. Adam Clayton Powell Jr.

Tags: faithfullness

Goodness-Motive & Manner      Clean, Fully-ripened, Ready for use.

God is good (all the time)

Motive: it matters why we do things. 

            A young man regularly attends church (a good thing).

            He actually has little interest in God; church is where the better class of girls are (not so much).

             A woman considers stealing jewelry from a department store, but chooses not to (a good thing).

            She chooses not to because she notices a security camera trained on her (not so much).

 Goodness is doing the right thing for the right reason.  Both motive and manner are clean (Kosher-God approved).  It is the outworking of the word tel’-i-os, complete (in various applications of labor, growth, mental and moral character, etc.)  It is ripe, of full age, and ready for God’s use.  Jas 1:27 ISV  A religion that is pure and stainless in the sight of God the Father is this: to take care of orphans and widows in their suffering, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

 Manner: it matters how we do things.

Goodness is the result of intensive training.  Michael Jordan loved baseball but decided early on to follow his older brother into basketball.  As a 5-11, skinny sophomore, he was cut from the high school varsity basketball team.  He chose not to give up.  He played junior varsity, and mounted a basketball hoop over his bed.  The summer before his junior year, he grew to 6-3 and began his path to super-stardom.  By acclamation, Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time.  Michael Jordan is good at what he does.

1Timothy 4:7 says, in part, “…exercise thyself unto godliness.”  The word we translate “exercise” is the Greek word gumnazo? from which we get gymnasium.  It is to train for the games.  Olympic figure skaters are generally young, and yet they choose to train 4 to 6 hours every day before and after school.  Many leave their families to live with their coaches.  They know that to win the gold medal they have to be very good.

Discipleship is the process by which we take on the attributes of God that are humanly attainable.  Luk 6:40 The disciple is not above his master: but every one when he is perfected shall be as his master.  True discipleship is not like modern classroom learning.  It involves joining oneself to a teacher, a master in the art we want to learn.  It is not easy; the path may not always be obvious, but the end result is that the disciple becomes like his teacher-a master at what he does.  Remember; “Wax on, wax off.”

 We are learning from God, and God is good (all the time).

Tags: discipleship, goodness

RJ’s Steak House in Cedaredge, CO finally opened its dining room.  Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with the food in the bar, but it is a bar in the true western tradition.  The sign on the patio gate reads, “Poker players and loose women.”  The dining room is a world apart, quietly understated in dark wood and copper.  The wait staff is friendly and quick.  The food is outstanding.  One needs to drive to Montrose or Grand Junction to find its peer.  One also needs to be a carnivore-vegetarians will be distressed by the menu.  The place is, after all, a steakhouse.  That observation aside, if you live on the south side of the Grand Mesa and crave Black Angus steaks, St. Louis style ribs, crispy fried catfish, and the like, you owe it to yourself.  Bring a little money; this is not McDonalds.

Tags: Cedaredge, dining, ribs, steak

Kindness–God’s unexpectedly pleasant assistance.

And whoever merely gives a cold drink to one of these little ones in the name (authority) of a disciple, truly I say to you, in no way will he lose his reward. Mat 10:42  (Lit) 

Sometimes that cup of cold water turns out to be a cup of hot coffee, And what we’re asked to do is to pour it…and to listen.

Sometimes we Christians in our enthusiasm think we were asked to save the world, When what we were asked to do is to go into it and tell God’s story to people in need of good news.

Anxious activist forget that just listening is an act of compassion.

Driven disciples forget that just listening is an act of faithfulness.

Guilty givers forget that just listening is an act of stewardship.

Since we, the church, have a tendency to be driven, anxious, and guilt-ridden perhaps we should read the direction again, pour a cup of hot coffee, call it discipleship, and listen in His name.

God is disposed to help even (especially) when we are not.  One of the names given to the Holy Ghost is the Helper (Paraclete, one called alongside).  When we hold the door for someone whose arms are full of packages, we are emulating God.  God’s kindness in not given grudgingly, but pleasantly-He likes doing it.  One of the reasons kindness makes it to Paul’s list of nine is that we aren’t disposed to give it…pleasantly.

Servant Evangelism, “We just want to show you God’s love in a practical way.”

Every person on Planet Earth has at least one thing in common.  Regardless of creed, geography or age, we all want to leave the world in a better state than the way we found it.  Kindness is certainly one constant that has proven throughout history to be a power that affects all who are touched by it.  As we make ourselves available to be conduits of kindness and love begins to flow through us, an atmosphere is created that changes all around us.  Steve Sjogren

Rom 12:10  Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;  One reading of Eph 4:32 is “Be useful to each other, sympathetic, freely rescuing them, even as God, for Christ’s sake, rescued you.”

 Various “Random Acts of Kindness” groups propose deliberate projects designed to foster kindness: Going out in public and smiling at three people, etc.  What do you think?

 If you have trouble being kind to strangers, start with someone you know.  Preferably someone you genuinely and truly dislike.  After all, you have heard that it was said, “You must love your neighbor and hate your enemy.”  But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, so that you will become children of your Father in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and the good, and he lets rain fall on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Even the tax collectors do the same, don’t they? And if you greet only your brothers, what great thing are you doing? Even the gentiles do the same, don’t they? So be perfect, (complete, mature, ripe) as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Mat 5:43-48  ISV

Tags: Kindness

Patience–art of deliberate, productive waiting

hoop-om-on-ay’; To stay under, cheerful (or hopeful) endurance, constancy - waiting. 

2Th 3:5  And the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ. 

Patience is the art of deliberate waiting.  It is not doing nothing when we can’t come up with other options.  It is deliberate; it is a viable option for us to choose.  It is productive-often producing good things that can be had no other way.  God knows how to do it, and He wants to teach you.

 When Abram was 75 years old, the Lord promised him a son.  Gen 15:6  And he believed in the LORD; and He counted it to him for righteousness.   Ten years later Gen 16:1,2  Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.  And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing; go in, I pray thee, unto my handmaid; it may be that I shall obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. Gen 16:15  And Hagar bare Abram a son: and Abram called the name of his son, which Hagar bare, Ishmael.

Gen 21:1-3, 5  And the Lord came to Sarah as he had said and did to her as he had undertaken.  And Sarah became with child, and gave Abraham a son when he was old, at the time named by God.  And Abraham gave to his son, to whom Sarah had given birth, the name Isaac.  Now Abraham was a hundred years old when the birth of Isaac took place.

 When Moses was 40, he understood that his people needed someone to lead them from slavery.  And seeing one of them suffer wrong, he killed an Egyptian.  He spent the next 40 years in the “backside of the wilderness” of Midian, tending the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro, getting married, and having babies.  When the time was right, God said, Exo 3:10  “Come now therefore, and I will send you unto Pharaoh, that you may bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.”  Exo 3:11  And Moses said unto God, “Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt?”

 Psa 110:1  <A Psalm of David.> The LORD says unto my lord, “Sit (properly to sit down in quiet) thou at my right hand, until I make your enemies your footstool.”

Luk 2:49-52  And he said unto them, “How is it that you sought me?  Don’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?”   And they did not understand the saying which he spoke unto them.  And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth; and he was subject unto them: and his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.  And Jesus advanced in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

Joh 2:3, 4 (Lit)  And being short of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, They have no wine.   Jesus said to her, “What is that to Me and to you, woman? My hour has not yet come.”

Mat 26:18  And he said to them, Go into the town to such a man, and say to him, “The Master says, ‘My time is near: I will keep the Passover at your house with my disciples.’”

Joh 19:30  When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished:” and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

Joh 1:1-3  In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  The same was in the beginning with God.  All things were made by him; and without him was not anything made that was made.

Jesus did not wait 33 years through childhood, carpentry, making disciples, teaching and doing miracles because he didn’t know what to do, or didn’t have the strength to do it; he waited because the time was not yet right to do the one thing He came to do.

Tags: Patience